This Just in: Yahoo! Games Article Proves Smoking Crack is Wrong

I don't disagree with the general principle of promoting new family games for the sake of bonding and disconnecting from the electric fun boxes. But if a website--let's say...Yahoo!...for example--were to publish and promote a list of "Ten Games Every Family Should Own," that was conceived after some obvious crack smoking, followed by bashing their skulls into a concrete wall over and over again, then that's just plain wrong.

Let's take a look at the "Ten Games Every Family Should Own" and dissect their selections while smoke slowly pours out of my ears and my soul dies just a little. Just a little.

1. Qwirkle
Okay, they're not starting out terribly here. Yes, it's a Spiel des Jahres winner. This year's winner, in fact. And I've enjoyed games of Qwirkle here and there. But is it in my top ten games for a fun Saturday night? Top one hundred? No. Is this really the best way to start out the list? Fine, Yahoo!, I'll give you a pass on Qwirkle since it's probably so accessible to the masses. But you're on probation. Double secret probation.

2. Carcassonne
Here's Yahoo!'s prob- ....wait, what? Did Yahoo! actually just recommend my beloved favorite game? For reals? Okay, they've won some respect. I'm proud that their game editors have even heard of Carcassonne, let alone esteem it. Nice work Yahoo! I'm almost not embarrassed to be reading something from your site.

3. Lego Star Wars: The Complete Saga.
Sigh. Sighhhhhh. [Exhale] Really? Really? I mean, fuckin' really? Yahoo!....a video game? A cross-promotional video game that's hawking toys and a tired movie plot? Fine. Let's just move on.

4. The Magic Labyrinth
Okay, I can breathe again. True, I know almost nothing about The Magic Labyrinth, as I have not yet embraced children's games. But at least it has a respectable BGG page, right? Good. Breathe. Okay.

5. Scrabble (iPad)
Here come the headaches and spots in the vision again. I love Scrabble. We have a love thang goin' on. But  what the eff is up with the iPad version? I think I'm going to have to carry an old-fashioned lady's glove so I can properly slap with offense the next time someone mentions how "cool" iPads are. (Just go with me here for a second, even if you like them.) They're just oversized iPhones, people! They're way too pricey in a sour economy, and people who buy them talk about them WAY too much. And clearly, that includes the crack-smoking editor who put together this list. For the iPad? Really? What's the point? Just get out the Scrabble board and wooden tiles. Save some electricity. Save your souls!

6. You Don't Know Jack
It's okay, I've got a paper bag now that I'm huffing into. But through the crumpling sound of brown kraft paper, you should be able to decipher me yelling what the crap? This game was hot and amusing back in 1998 when I first got to college. And even then, as their target audience, we were so over the game inside of three wee-....Oh. I see. An iPhone app just came out a few months ago for this game. Hey, kiddies, let's all huddle around an iPhone for family fun night. I'm not sure what makes me angrier, the fact that I'm wasting time and anger on this article, or that the dickish editors probably got free Apple products for writing this list.

7. Cranium
I'm so glad we're back to actual board games that I've almost gone numb to the fact that this is a terrible game. I mean, really terrible. What few qualities it does have are pale copies of what other games have done better. It's shit. There. I said it. Families: Do not buy this. You're welcome.

8. Go
Okay, now they're just messing with us. I play Go now and then with my brother-in-law. Can I tell you, it's brilliant? It is. It's been around for thousands of years, and is requires a mastery of strategy, planning, and the highest intellect to play adequately. Mastery takes years of study, and usually many books, challenges, leagues, etc. In fact, they have a whole ko rating system for how proficient you are. Here, Junior, while you're at it, could you please master fencing, read The Seven Kingdoms, and do....something else that's really hard and takes years to perfect? Why would Yahoo! think every family should own that game? Does Yahoo! know who American families are? I'll give you a hint, the smaller miniature people are called kids, and they don't want to play Go.

9. Blokus
Better. Better. Again, maybe not my top ten for a family fun night, but I'm just so relieved it's not made by Apple that I'm willing to give a thumbs up.

10. Settlers of Catan
Finally. The one game that actually really should be on that list. With all due affection to Carcassonne, Settlers really is the number one game families should be trying out. And best of all, to the best of my knowledge, there isn't currently an app for it.

In case you're still reading and interested, here's how I would've stacked up my list of ten games every family should own. They're not the greatest games of all-time, necessarily, but they're ones that every family should try together at least once. And never, ever, on an Apple product.

(in no particular order)
1. Settlers of Catan
2. Apples to Apples
3. Ticket to Ride
4. Scrabble
5. Boggle
6. Bohnanza
7. Bang!
8. Carcassonne
9. Zooloretto
10. The Climbers

Lotus Dice Bags, Ahoy!

Here is one really peachy keen find from last week: The lotus dice bag. Now, if you know me, you know that I have way too many dice and dice bags. In fact, I have a Dice Goblin bag (pictured at right--isn't it cute?) that hasn't found a proper use yet. Sad. So there's no way in hell I needed more dice or more dice bags/boxes/jars/buckets. But, alas, I bought a new one anyway. This one's different though--I swear!

These lotus dice bags are the bomb-diggity because they close like a normal pouch, but when they open up, they act more like an open dice box. Their opened flat-bottom design allows you to view all of your dice easily. Below is a hey-I-took-a-crappy-picture-after-midnight-because-I-was-punch-drunk-on-coffee-and-didn't-realize-how-bad-the-lighting-was-in-the-convention-hall image of my brand new dragon brocade lotus bag.

I bought the medium size, which, according to the manufacturer (Games by Gamers), should hold about 100 regular dice. Plenty for any D&D excursion. Not that I play D&D much anymore. But if I did!.....

Well, anyway, I paid just $9.00 for this adorable handmade bag. (They were hand-sewing new ones on-site last week to keep up with demand!) Now, even though I have a recognized illness for buying excessive amounts of dice and dice bags, I am daring to admit that I think I might still need to order their MEGA size. It holds 2-3 lbs. of regular dice. Man, I have no idea when on earth I'd ever need to carry 2-3 lbs. of dice around, but what I find really need about the jumbo size, is that it's large enough to function like a cloth dice tray (when mostly empty). Trust me, I've lugged around my wooden dice tray to more than a few gaming events, and the damn thing is clunky and chunky! This pouch is perfect for those of us who love dice-rolling implements, but don't want to lug around something ginormous. If you haven't checked out these dice bags yet, I suggest you go do it. Right now. Okay, maybe wait until you've read a few more posts here. But then, go.

The Super Long Origins Recap Post

Vacation is over. And unlike most people, I would take a chilly buzzing convention hall over a warm sandy beach any day of the week. Origins 2011, the much-anticipated gaming festival down in Columbus, OH, was held this past week and I have a full recap of exciting things we saw--which sadly does not include the Secret Service scanning and probing LARPers when Joe Biden was attending a political dinner at the convention center. Here are some of the things I actually did get to see and do, in a random and sort of manic picture-ific recap:

Jameson, Shawn, and Dave in the Board Room

We arrived on Tuesday afternoon, well before the con began, mainly because we just really needed the vacation. One easy night of A Game of Thrones card game and some Max & Erma's burgers, and we were ready for some real gaming starting Wednesday.  The Board Room--the giant-ass room where you can check out games from the con's extensive library--opened up on Wednesday and we started things off with a game of Wok Star. Snaps to GAMA for instituting new orange traffic cones to help signal when a game needs more players. We had our orange cone out for Wok Star, and ended up snagging the next two guys to walk by, roping them into the game. Turns out, these two guys--Shawn Storie and Jameson Orndorff--ended up being some of the greatest gaming buddies in the world.

Quintessential: The Fifth Element

Once we lost badly...really, really badly at Wok Star, we moved on to a game that Shawn had actually designed himself called Quintessential--an alchemy game that involves placing and bidding with dice to make new formulas. It actually ended up being my favorite new game of the whole trip. 

So naturally I had to snag Shawn's last prototype copy for myself.  Ohhh Yeaaahh. Expect to hear more about this game down the road. 

Over in the Mayfair Games room, TGHITW and I got to play some GIANT Toledo (pictured above), GIANT Atlantis, and GIANT Alchemy. Each of the games was decent, but I think Atlantis definitely had the most promise...especially when it isn't on a giant board that requires me to pace. Shout out to Jen for a spectacular win at Atlantis.

The peeps in the Mayfair room were helpful as always (okay, except for the annoying new use of wristbands for snacks in the evening). My apologies go out to Vex (pictured above, left) for making her lose her voice while teaching us Alchemy. Poor woman was hoarse for the rest of the con, and blamed us the whole time. Whoops.

And just for anyone who's never seen giant Settlers of Catan, here are some pics of GIANTER Settlers of Catan--an upgrade from last year's boring somewhat over-sized version.

This was a clever crossover, using the Shear Panic sheep figures for the sheep tiles in Catan.

Over at the dealer hall, there were tons of products to check out, including this. If you really, really squint you can see that I'm holding some wooden train meeples for Ticket to Ride. Mayday Games makes these wooden sets of train engines, cars, cabooses, etc. to replace the cheap plastic pieces in TTR. The whole set was only $40. Already on my wishlist.

Speaking of Mayday Games, here is a game called Woodman that they were demoing in the dealer hall. The plastic tree above has bark that might fall off when you tap the tree with the plastic ax, but don't knock off the core of a trunk, or you lose points. This was a lot of tense fun that could work for kids or adults.

Back in the Board Room, I came across a few guys playing Dominion with a killer storage filing box for their cards. Take a look below.

In this box is each one of the Dominion cards from every expansion, sleeved, and filed. It may not be a deluxe wooden case, but this system was incredibly impressive and gives me some ideas.

In the Board Room we also got to demo a new game from designer CW Karstens called Dragon Valley.

The dragons, and some other nasties, are invading from a valley and you have to defend your turf and then go after your opponents with some stronghold building. This prototype copy was getting a lot of buzz around the con.

Here is one of my big purchases at the con: The big bullet edition of Bang!, a spaghetti western-themed card game in which you have a shoot-out with all of your opponents and try to be the last woman standing.

Needless to say, I got shot a lot.

Another great purchase was this lotus dice bag. It looks like a drawstring pouch, but opens into a cloth dice box. More pics and info to come on this one, as I think the designer of these handmade bags is going to be getting a lot more buzz. Brilliant.

Did I mention our little gaming group were raffle GODS? Yes, oh yes, we were. MwahahahaHA! Dave won two games in different raffles: Star Trek: Expeditions and Galactic Empire (promotional copy). Other gamers in our group, Stu and Daveo won big, too. Stu snagged Trollhalla in a raffle, and Daveo won...I dunno...another game (I missed the drawing, so you're guess is as good as mine), and Jameson won a Resident Evil CCG with mat. Even Shawn had his name pulled for some kind of free game, but since he was on his way home driving to Texas...blah, blah, excuses, blah, blah...he missed the raffle. Oh, the raffle power!

And here we are on the final night of gaming, at about 12:30 in the morning. A little Arkham Horror going on, alongside some Street Illegal. 

I want to send a special shout-out to Kearn, whom I finally got to meet...very briefly...in person. We bumped into each other once, but didn't get to game or grab a pic since there was so much gaming going on all over the place. I hope everyone had a fantastic Origins this year.

Dave (TGHITW), Katie, Shawn, and Jameson

Total Number of New Games Played: 19

• Wok Star
• Quintessential
• Dragon Valley
• Mimic
• Alchemist
• 7 Wonders
• The Resistance
• Toledo
• Atlantis
• Hansa Teutonica
• London
• Woodman
• Vikings
• To Court the King
• Megamaniology
• Bang!
• Race for the Galaxy
• Chateau Roquefort
• Street Illegal

Total Number of New Games in the Board Game Closet of Light and Doom: 13
...plus a new dice bag, several new dice, a new fantasy fiction novel, and a spiffy new pair of goggles.

Checking in from Origins Game Festival

My eyes are watery and strained, and I've eaten way too many little Japanese candies, tea cookies, and tall caramel coffees, but I just have to say what a fantastic time we are having at Origins. We've played almost two dozen new games so far (a full list to come in the next week), including play testing, demos of independent publisher games, and some overdue runs of classic games.

Only surprise? We haven't bought more games. Sad. True, we've pre-ordered two games, and have managed to pick up many gaming accessories, including a fetching new dice bag-box and some card sleeves, but our new game pile is really tiny. Here's hoping that the final two days of the show are much more fruitful.

Watch for plenty of photos and recapping to come in the next few days. Happy gaming, all.

Wacky Dice Dreams: Investing in Dice Age

I've really grown to love kickstarter.com--an innovative website that allows people to invest in inventions or creations that they want to see brought to life. Excitingly, this also includes new board game ideas that are looking for funding. It's the womb from whence Alien Frontiers sprang. Would-be investors are pitched about the idea and asked to pledge a varying amount of start-up money in exchange for some thank-you gift (usually a free copy of the game), if the game or creation makes its start-up funding goal.

Recently, TGHITW and I discovered a game-to-be on kickstarter.com that really caught our attention: Dice Age!  This is a unique dice-based game that employs a number of unbalanced, wacky dice in a "game of strategy and risk-taking" (quoting directly from the pitch, here). Here's what the creator also had to say about the game:

 "It was initially a piece of art, and then I developed it into a game. When I first brought them to the university cafeteria, everybody was amazed, wanted one, and couldn't guess how to play. In fact, the rules are pretty simple, but the Dice Age effect is there: You never saw this before."

Take a look at some of these dice, and I think you can see why it made us go "OOoooooOH."

I'm already stoked to start rolling and have some amazing matches. True, I don't even know how it's played yet, but I can already imagine the possibilities and can only guess how competitive this game could be. Its creators are already drawing comparisons between this and Magic the Gathering, and in our household, Magic gets ugly. So damn competitive. So much of my husband stealing a card from my deck, then claiming he didn't and calling me crazy.

I'm also just plain excited because it's so different from anything else I've seen out there. So TGHITW and I decided to make the leap and invest a little mad gaming money into this new game. We've donated enough that we'll be getting a copy of the 23-dice alpha set of the game. Sadly, we couldn't quite afford to donate at the "Adopt a Die" level, where you actually get to godfather (or godmother) a die into existence and get your name listed in the rules book. That would've been something really amazing and special. Sigh.

But, good news! They've already made their funding goals, so the game is definitely going forward! In fact, the funding exceeded even the highest dreams of the creator, and as a reward, each investor is getting a bonus secret Olympus Mons die. More OOoooooOHing. There are 471 total investors as I type this, including yours truly.

I encourage all to go check it out: DICE AGE. In fact, if you check it out by tomorrow (Sunday, June 19), you can still hop on board as an investor. Or, at the very least, you could just make yourself familiar with this interesting new dice game that I will surely be reviewing this September or October. See it at its genesis.

Top Ten Things I'm Looking Forward to at Origins 2011

First, I'd like to apologize to all the people out there who don't give a fig about Origins. My mania will subside soon. But not only is it the highlight of my gaming year, it's also the only vacation I get all year long. For once, someone else will make my bed and I don't have to boil water for dinner.  Plus, may I say, if you don't give a fig about Origins, why the hell not? Start rethinking your fig giving standards! It's an ideally located midwestern board gaming festival that is affordable and fun.

Okay, enough preaching. I'll just explain what has me doing some jazz hands right about now.

10. My hotel is connected to the convention center this year. So bring on the rain!

9. Finding out what crazy ribbon-collecting contest Mayfair Games has in store for us this year. Oh, I hope it's ridiculous for a teeny-tiny prize. I love making an ass of myself collecting those ribbons!

8. Gluttonous food gorging. Sushi, cheese steaks, cheeseburgers...ah, the joys of eating junk while on vacation

7. The Smithee Awards. This will be the first year I am checking out this tribute to the worst, cheesiest films in history. It's supposed to be hilarious and memorable.

6. Mini painting. I don't play D&D as often as I used to, but I still find a lot of joy in painting those little minis. And it's a nice break when I start to go cross-eyed from reading so many rule books--I'll just kick back with some minis, free paints, and the focused painting nerds nearby.

5. Closing down the Mayfair Room each night. Aside from Origins After Dark, the Mayfair Room is pretty much the latest "room" that is open each night, and therefore it is the room that closed down the gaming day for us each night. There's something about that ten-minutes-'til-midnight-dash to finish a game that caps a day off perfectly.

4. The Origins Auction. Used games at low, low prices! All in a calm dark room where I don't have to read any rule books for an hour or two. It's the perfect respite. Plus, I'll have a few items to sell as well.

3. The steampunk costumes. This year's theme is Victoriana, and I can't wait to see all the awesome garb people come up with...and then seethe at them with jealously and loathing.


2. The Alien Frontiers tournament!

1. Did I mention all the games, games, and more games!? I wonder if I can get to 30 new games played by the end of the festival? Any wagers?

Origins Game Fair: Which Ribbons to Buy

Gamers, have you made your reservations for Origins Game Fair yet? If not, it's not too late. The gaming convention is being held (as usual) in Columbus, OH from June 22-26. Hotel rooms are still available (I should know, I just switched hotels yesterday.), and it is a ton of concentrated, crazy gaming for people who are dying to try new games, meet new people, and see what's new in the gaming world. The Greatest Husband in the World (GHITW) and I had so much fun last year, we're already counting down the days until we boot Lily and her cute little Barbie suitcase over to my mom's house and hit the road to Columbus!

This is our second year attending, and I know that for Origins first-timers, it can be a bit tricky figuring out which badges to buy, or how many generic tokens ("generics") or events to sign up for. Here's a run-down based on my experience from Origins 2010. I can't say for sure that it will be just the same in 2011, so don't egg me if you see me in the halls of the Columbus Convention Center just because a few things have changed.

Ribbon Run-Down:

Board Room Ribbon - This is a giant section of the main hall that requires a Board Room Ribbon to access. The area is lined with dozens (maybe even hundreds?) of gaming tables waiting to be used by patrons who check out games from the massive library that sits just inside the Board Room entry. All day long gamers can play as many or as few games as they please with whomever they please, and just have fun. Game selection is excellent...but has some gaps. Food concessions are nearby (if only open occasionally, and usually packed), and raffle tickets are handed out at random throughout the gaming day by event organizers to anyone gaming in the Board Room. At the end of Origins, dozens and dozens of these tickets are pulled for board game prizes. I didn't win anything last year...but that was a statistical wonder I didn't. So many games! Oh, and did I mention that just for entering the Board Room for the first time, I was handed two free board games in shrink? Yeah, free games. The only bummer is it closes a bit on the early side (we're remembering about 10:00pm?) compared to, say, the Mayfair Room. Word on the street (ie the Origins official website) is that the War Room has been combined with the Board Room this year, so it should be a pretty packed house. VERDICT: Definitely worthwhile, get this ribbon!

Big Experiment Ribbon - This is the room off of the main concourse that is set up for Looney Labs games. They have a library of games, events, and tournaments. Meh, it's a great room for kids, but I'm not a huge Looney Labs fan. The premise of their games is a little...wacky and juvenile for my tastes. I played one event in there last year, and that was enough for me. But families seem to have a really good time, and first-timers will want to at least pop in and check it out. Fluxx seems to be popular with the teen-boppers nowadays. Down side? The ribbon doesn't qualify you to play in any of the Looney Labs werewolf games...for that you need to buy an extra ribbon. Weak. VERDICT: Maybe pass on this one unless you're traveling with kids or you really love Looney Labs.

Werewolf Ribbon - Entitles you to play in any of Looney Labs' "Are You the Werewolf?" games. This is a great game for group interaction, and is a fun diversion if you want a change of pace. But...I never was interested in playing enough "Werewolf" to make it worthwhile. VERDICT: Make sure you're a Werewolf fan.

Mayfair Ribbon - This gives you access into a room off the main concourse that is set up for Mayfair Games (ya know, the peeps who make Settlers of Catan, Pillars of the Earth, Hey That's My Fish!, etc.). Their full library of currently available games are ready for playing. Last year they had several custom-made GIANT 3-D versions of games set up, like GIANT Pompeii, and GIANT Settlers. Plus they have the usual tournaments and special events. They're also known for holding special ribbon collecting contests and giving away prizes. And as of 2010, they toted out bowls of chips each evening for late-night gamers, and always had pros on-hand to teach the games. As a bonus, they're open just about the latest of any room (midnight each night). VERDICT: It's a really popular ribbon, and an excellent place to game if you even remotely like Mayfair's style of games. I'm already signed up for this ribbon, and you should, too.

Origins After Dark Ribbon - The "after dark" room was upstairs last year in a little area with a bar and plenty of gaming for peeps 18+. The late-night availability is nice for some people, but I found it wasn't very hopping last year...or maybe I popped in at the wrong times. Either way I won't be getting this ribbon, but may use a few generics in there if the mood strikes me. VERDICT: If you're a night owl and want some cocktails, this might be for you. Otherwise, you might want to wait and just check it out casually your first time through.

Puffing Billy Ribbon - The train game room. VERDICT: Listen, if you know you're nuts about train games, get it. If not, you'll probably never step toe inside. Train game people tend to know who they are.

Amtgard Ribbon, War College Ribbon, & HOT Ribbon - If you know what "boffer combat" is, or have a hard-on for war games or historical miniatures, please check out the Origins website for more info on these ribbons. Go on. It's okay. I have nothing for you here. VERDICT: Phthbbttttt.

As for the rest of the signing up you'll need to do? Sign up for a handful of events you're reeeeally excited about, but leave your schedule pretty loose and open (dirty!). You'll want a lot of time just to cruise around and check things out...plus, you can use generics to buy into most game events you come across (the ones that aren't full). How many generics should you buy? Don't be like 2010 us and load up on generics. That was silly. You really probably only need about 1-5 generics per person (they cost $2 each). The good news is you can buy more at the event, or you can cash them out if you have unused ones. The bad news is that means waiting in lines. Bummer. Or you can be like me and just trade in all your excess generics for D&D minis at the mini painting booth. Ha.

Well, phew! That's a lot to take in. If you're still not certain, feel free to ask questions either here in the comments section, or head over to the Origins Facebook page where you can find all sorts of nuts with opinions.

Hopefully I'll see many of you at Origins. If you recognize me or my name badge (Katie Schumm), be sure to say hello and get a pic so I can share all the cool people I met at Origins here on the blog!