Yarr! Pirate Dice: A Kickstarter Game to Believe In

Five days. That's all you have left if you want to back a phenomenal, piratey, swashbuckling, fun board game on Kickstarter called Pirate Dice. Yarr. (Don't know what Kickstarter is? Read about it here.) If you're reading this too late, then you've already missed the boat, er, pirate ship, and I hope that you can get your hands on a copy soon, or ye be a scurvy dog! Sorry, this just isn't going to get old for me. I really wish I was a pirate.

Here's the deal, matey: At this year's Origins 2012, the husband and I got to try out a lot of new games and prototypes, and (with all due affection to the many games we tried), Pirate Dice is the game that we are still talking about and we desperately want to play. Right now.

Here's what you need to know about Pirate Dice and why you should go support it. Right now, me bucko!

Pirate Dice: Voyage on the Rolling Seas is a game that was designed by Clint Heron, an awesome gamer whom I am now proud to call a buddy. He came up with the basic concept for this game when he created a print-and-play version of RoboRally, called RoboDerby Express. Remember? RoboRally was that awesome game where the robots moved through the twists and turns of a factory trying to reach a goal that always was just one turn or belt away? This new dice-based version of the game was a massive print-and-play success, winning several awards, and causing my husband to visit numerous thrift stores in search of Disney Yahtzee, which he could strip for parts to make RoboDerby. Go, husband! (Down with Disney, the scurvy dogs!)

Well, for obvious lawyer-y reasons to do with licensing and blah, blah, blah, RoboDerby was never meant to be published. But thanks to Clint's ingenuity, he was able to re-imagine the game as a great, compact piratey adventure.

Here's how it's played:

Each turn, players secretly roll their custom dice to reveal directional orders for their pirate ships, which sit perilously in a sea full of pirates all wanting to get their hands on a treasure chest full of booty, bobbing in the current. The goal is to get a ship to the treasure first and safely deliver it back to the goal. The players, or captains, as I'll call 'em, yar, set the dice actions in order and let the chaos ensue as each captain carries out the orders for his or her boat. The ships are sailing across a gridded sea filled with obstacles and chaos, which is no place for pirate ships that want to move straight to the treasure. The result is that the pirate ships bump, bruise, and spin all over the board, and--if you're playing with me--piratey insults are flung, ya bilge rat! Ya raft-riding salmon smuggler! Ya rum-swigging hogshead!

Such a simple game can turn into a heated race that can flummox advanced players trying to calculate moves five steps ahead (if the mutinous dice don't destroy yer plans, arrr.). Or it can be a silly game for the family that encourages kids to work on their logic and spacial relations skills.

Overall, I adore this game. It isn't just the piratey theme that has me singin' a sea shanty, but the simple brilliance of a challenging, sometimes frustrating, laugh-outloud game. I not only played the prototype a few times at Origins 2012 (once until about 3am), I am also proud to be a backer on Kickstarter.

The good news is that the game is getting published. Clint and Gryphon and Eagle Games originally asked for $7,500 to get it published, and at this moment have raised $25,293! That means the game has reached both of its stretch goals, and people are excited about this game! You should be too. And that's the bottom line of this post. I'm not telling you to back this game because I'm counting on you. I'm doing this as a public service, because if you're one of the few gamers who isn't getting a copy of this game in the mail months from now, you're going to be a sad buccaneer.

Visit the Pirate Dice Kickstarter page here.

Arrr.

The Case of the Missing Board Game Android Apps

or "A Missed App-ortunity?"

The husband and I recently leapt into modern day by purchasing phones that actually connect to the Internet, text message, and whatnot. By the way, I'd like to give a shout-out to AT&T for holding us in a contract under which we actually paid more per month for our camera phones with constant dropped calls then we do now for contract-free droid phones and unlimited data through T-Mobile. Suck it, AT&T. Anyway, I have naturally gone app crazy and have been busy ninja-slicing digital fruit, rocketing birds at militarized pigs, and similar things. But what I have been desperately missing is some serious gameplay on these phones. Particularly with an upcoming vacation that is going to mean long wait-times at airports, I'd really love to play some real board gaming on my new awesome blinged-out droid. Maybe a little Ticket to Ride, Carcassonne, or some Alhambra?

But, hark, where are the apps for these board games?

It turns out that since I have an android phone, most board game makers would like to piss on me and my decidedly non-hipster technology. After much research, I have found that various acclaimed board game makers have only made apps in iOS format (read: for iPhone posers). Granted, there is a version of "Settlers" and Carcassonne, both of which appear to be not-necessarily officially licensed from the game makers. Both also share a common thread of having generally terrible reviews about their simplicity and general bugginess. And they cost $4.99 each. Ouch. I might just pay it though and risk them not loading right on my Samsung Admire because I want my board game crack that badly. It might be bad crack--overpriced and shady, but at least it's crack.

The possibly ill-conceived Carcassonne android app

So then I wondered, are the game makers all just really behind the times? The answer is no. They're not. Not exactly, anyway. A couple major names in the board gaming world have developed sophisticated and popular apps for iOS format, including Days of Wonder (Small World) and Ravensburger (Puerto Rico), but have completely ignored the android market. Why? After all, according to one source, in the last quarter of 2011, android sales accounted for 47% of the market share, where as iOS-formatted devices only accounted for 43%. And while I understand that Apple contracts, user demands, and general tech snobbery may have caused board game makers to develop iOS apps first, the perplexing trend is that once the iOS apps were developed, game makers seemed to have swished their hands together, chafing off the dust of a job well done, and settled back into their nerdy game chairs, feet propped up on the boxes of all of the different versions of iPhones they've bought in the last three years. Screw you, android users--you're not trendy enough to waste our time on.  Humph!

Well, I think that's a fair vision of what's happened, don't you?

Consider Days of Wonder in particular. This is a game maker (Ticket to Ride, Small World, Memoir '44, Shadows Over Camelot) that has developed its brand with the specific goal of integrating board games and technology. Of all the game publishers, I would have bet good coin that this publisher wanted to attract as wide of a technological audience as possible. But as of this posting time, there is no word that android apps are even in development. Their Ticket to Ride Pocket iOS app, however, is a widely praised award-winning success. It's a shame that so much of their fan base will never see it and never enjoy it.

Ravensburger (Puerto Rico, San Juan, Glen More, Tikal) is guilty of the same charges--ignoring android users while faithfully developing iOS games. But at least their website has a hopeful message posted as of this post date that reads:
"Dear Android fans,
 We are currently working on various Android apps which we shall present here soon. 

The Ravensburger Digital team"

Based on this tease, I have subscribed to receive updates on these advances by email, and will keep you posted if I hear anything.

There is no information that I could get my paws on about Queen Games's (Alhambra, Fresco, Wallenstein) or Rio Grande's (Dominion, Carcassonne, Race for the Galaxy) plans, or lack thereof, for any official app games, but I did have a bit of limited success in contact Mayfair Games (Settlers of Catan, Nuns on the Run, Witch of Salem, Atlantis). A customer service rep let me know that they have no plans or interest in developing their games electronically--aside from the separate Catan license, which is a different entity altogether. Harumph. At least they're fair across the board--ain't nobody gettin' no games no how on no phones. (Ow, my brain just pinged and hurt from even the mockingly bad grammar.) 

I am not at all upset with publishers like Mayfair, since I think it's very valid, fair, and even somewhat pure to sidestep electronic possibilities. After all, just as I loathe e-readers for removing the romance of paper pages and bent spines, I respect board games for the tactile satisfaction of rolling dice and holding cards. Electronic versions and apps will never be on par with my favorite boxed games, and I'd buy a boxed game ten times over before buying an electronic version (especially for $4.99--that's a lot, isn't it?). Nope, the only grudge I'll ever hold over electronic versions is inequality among devices. Geeks use androids, too. Geeks use androids, too.

'Sup, Gameland?

Life has a terrible way of interrupting your gaming hobby sometimes, doesn't it? Well, no worries. Board gaming is a patient hobby that waits for you no matter what distractions life cooks up. So I'm really excited to be carving out some very special gaming time coming up in the near future. In celebration, here is a list of a few game-related things that have me mega-hyped up right now, enough so that I'm doing "The Carlton" right here in my living room.



1. Origins, baby, Origins. May is almost here (right?), which means its time for what is (in my humble opinion) the best damn game convention in the nation. I'm very psyched for another crazy week of gaming marathons, Vietnamese takeout food, chilly echoey halls with folding chairs, and nerds galore.

2. Pinterest! I'm currently working on integrating Pinterest in with this blog to give it a new facelift. Stay tuned.

3. Alien Frontiers expansion. The kickstarter wrapped last fall, so we're bound to get a copy in the mail any time. Right?

4. The Great Magic Card Box Project. I am in the middle of crafting a custom storage box for The Greatest Husband in the World. Undoubtedly I will be documenting this, as it is almost too ridiculous to believe. Plus the hubby has been trying to distract me away from the enchanting world of board games with the demonic-laced evil that is the world of Magic cards. (I never draw the right mix of lands, damnit).

So lots of good things going on in gameland right now. Lots to look forward to, and somehow the warm weather only makes me more excited for game time.

ROFL Race 2 - Season 1 - Indianapol​is

CRASH BURNS THE FIELD IN EPIC WIN!

After taunting most of the field throughout the race, Chuck "Crash" Endreszl pulls away at the end to take an easy win in Indianapolis.  We caught up with Chuck in victory lane to talk about his view of the race: "Yeah I wasn't really sure how it was going to work out there a few times... I was definitely feeling the heat, or maybe it was the burning gaze from the other 6 guys at the table?  Either way, I was sweating every dice roll like there was real money in play..."  (ROFL officials quickly reminded Chuck of the Fabulous Prizes at stake, evoking a stare of disbelief; more on this next time)  Chuck's Team Crash-N-Burn cohort, Bob "Burnin" Eickholt, had a less successful day, bringing home his SuperMod 69 Camaro in one piece as the last car running, in 6th place.  "That was a good run, I guess... the damn dice still hate me though... for a while I just felt like running the car into a wall but after those other guys had trouble I figured - Heck, I can pass a wrecked car... right?"  Look for Bob starting 3rd at our next track...

Second place was claimed by Jake "5-Time" Billcheck of  Team Wacky Waving Inflatable Flailing Arm Tube Men (WWIFATM), who was neck and neck with Chuck for most of the last lap.  "I thought I had him, to be honest," said Jake after the race. "he was sweating over every dice roll like a whore in church, and I felt sure it was a matter of time before he blew one.  Our new Fisker Karma was fast, but then he rolled the damn 20... Bah."  With a disgusted shake of his head, Jake concluded the interview and headed back to his team garage to check on the health of his partner, Adam "The Plague Bearer" Capps.  It was Capps who finished last, after crashing out in a bizarre sequence of events on lap 3... capping off an entirely forgettable race for the big fella.  "I felt like ... in a haze out there... like, I wasn't.... really all there.... surreal, I guess." and with that, Adam turned white, slumped back in his Barco-Lounger, and fell asleep.

Coming in third, again, was Jon "Teamkiller" Brudnak.  As part of the bizarre incident that claimed Capps, it was Brudnak running up on the back of his partner Matt "Hammered" Hampton that sent his own teammate into the stands! We reached him as he climbed out of his car after the race: "First, I want to say, I am so so sorry for Matt, his sponsors, his fans, and all of our Team Monkeywrench crew members that build us great cars.  And his hair stylist... pretty sure I saw scorch marks on his helmet.  I was so focused on running down Endreszl, I got careless and it cost him a race.  But at least Capps went first, right?"  He was of course referring to the fact that even as he was punting his own partner off the track, Capps ran into the back of Brudnak, wrecking HIS car as well!  This left Capps in 8th, and a disappointed Hampton in 7th - "Yeah well.... I don't know WHAT he was thinking exactly.... I mean, I get it, we're all out here racing for the win, but dang...."  brushing some singed hairs from his neckline, he continued "I guess we'll have a talk in the hauler about this and move on... hopefully next race he runs me a little more careful."

Careful readers will have of course deduced that out our team roundup finishes again this race with another 4-5 result, this time for Team Odd-Job - as Dave "Phone Call" Schumm and Jason "Juh-Bah" Boes claimed the 4-5 finishing spots.  "I felt fortunate to finish 4th today, to be honest" Dave said from the pits, as he autographed Verizon's new Razor XXV phones for adoring fans. "I mean, I expected it to be tough starting last, and then in the middle of the race I felt really out of it... towards the end though, I just didn't have anything for the guys up front, they ran away with this."  For Boes, it was a better result, and another learning experience - "I just felt like, I was missing those turns by just a little bit... just enough to screw me. I got kind of mad there a started slamming my head on the steering wheel.  Crew said I bent it pretty good.  Anyways, I am starting to get the hang of this - watch out for me next race!" 

Individual Standings after 2 Races:

Schumm    - 23
Brudnak     - 20
Billcheck    - 18
Endreszl     - 17
Hampton     - 14
Boes          - 10
Capps        - 9
Eickholt      - 5


Team Standings after Race 2:

Team Monkeywrench  - 34
Team Odd-Job            - 33
Team WWIFATM        - 27
Team Crash-n-Burn     - 22

NEXT RACE:  BARCELONA!  ENGINES!  WEATHER!

BARCELONA - Next up is the fast-paced track in Spain - Barcelona!  This race always seems to simulate with lots of body damage taking place, and only a few brief 6th gear options... consider your car design carefully!

ENGINE PUSH - Sometimes, you need just ONE MORE SPACE to get where you want to be... and if you're willing to shorten the useful life of your motor - you can have it!  Once per turn, you may spend ONE engine point, and move ONE extra space.  All other associated penalties must be paid on this extra space; if its used to overshoot, you must pay tire penalties.  If you use it to gain a slipstream, and slip into the corner you must still pay a brake point. 

WEATHER – Tracks are located all over the world, and in all kinds of climates.  From track to track, the weather could be a major factor. Each track has a range assigned to each of the three weather types – Rain, Changeable, and Sunshine.  You may wait until weather is determined to allocate your car-build points.  Keep in mind, in the rain a collision occurs on a d20 roll of 1 -or- 2...  Engine damage for a 20 or 30 roll is reduced from 1-4, to 1-3...

THE START OF THE RACE – A die roll is made prior to the start.  The driver on the pole position rolls the D20 and again looks at the table for the track.  The affect of the roll is as follows:
            Sunshine = Sunny throughout the entire race.
            Rain = Raining throughout the entire race.
            Changeable = At the start of the race, the weather is sunny.  The sky is overcast, but not raining yet.  The weather must be checked during the race to see if it changes.  A weather check is made each time a driver in 5th gear rolls a 20 or a driver in 6th rolls a 30.  The driver who rolled that, rolls the D20 to see if the weather has changed again:
           
-          If the weather roll is CHANGEABLE, ignore the result and wait until the next weather check.
-          If the weather roll is Sunshine, then it is only TEMPORARY SUNSHINE, lasting until the next weather check.
-          If the weather roll is Rain, then it is only TEMPORARY RAIN, lasting until the next weather check.
-          If the weather result is changeable after temporary Rain or Sun, it goes back to Overcast, until the next weather check.
-          If the result is RAIN or SUN twice in a row, then the weather is finally settled and stays the same for the rest of the race.
-          If the result after TEMPORARY SUN is RAIN, then it goes to TEMPORARY RAIN – and vice versa.

RAIN TIRES:  Naturally with Rain, you have the option of using Rain Tires.

Wet Tires – Specially grooved to handle water on the road, these tires work well in the rain, but are a slight handicap in the dry.
            Sunshine – Movement as normal, but penalties for overshooting are multiplied by 2.  If no tire change is made during the 3rd lap, penalties are multiplied by 3.
            Changeable – Identical to Sunshine
            Rain – The car skids only one extra space on each of its moves inside a corner.  The penalties for overshooting a corner are normal. (1 point per 1 space of overshoot)

FINAL NOTE:  With race #4 we will add the final element to the game - Road Hazards and Suspension points...

ROFL - Season 1 - Race 1 Results

We have the recap courtesy of  the Hamburgler himself: We are slowing rolling out some of the trickier rules over the first few races.

With decisive mastery of Loews Corner, it was Dave "Phone Call" Schumm coming home victorious in race #1 of the inaugural ROFL season.  Congrats Dave!

"That sequence of rolls was decisive" said Dave afterwards, "but I also have to thank my crew chief for giving me such a tough car today - skipping the pits is what put me out front there towards the end.  And I also need to thank the fine folks at Scion for everything they do sponsoring our team.  Oh, and ahh... thats my phone ringing, gotta go."  Dave's partner, Jason "J-Bomb" Boes was a little more upset after the race - "I kind of missed a section of lap 3 there... like I blacked out or something.... I was feeling good going into lap 3, but then all of a sudden - BOOM - my Team Odd-Job Scion Tc was chugging along with barely any brakes left, I'm pretty sure the crew left my right rear tire loose, and that was that."  After promising a better result next week, Jason stormed off to the team hauler to talk with his crew.

Second place Matt "Hamptonium Chloride" Hampton was happy with his result, all things considered; "Yeah I thought we had a shot at winning this thing there on the last lap, but Dave was just real smooth through the slow spots on the track, and I couldn't quite get past him at the end. He totally pulled on me coming out of Loews and I knew it was over.  Was happy to see my teammate bring his Honda S4000 home right behind me though." His teammate being Jon "Bridesmaid" Brudnak, of course, who commented as well - "Good race.  I thought I was a little too conservative there at the end, might have been more aggressive through the tunnel, but man - seeing those wrecks out there, it just made sense to take the sure thing and be a little conservative.  I don't mind being 'bridesmaid' to my partner if it means Team Monkeywrench moves ahead in the standings."

Team Wacky Waving Inflatable Flailing Arm Tube Men (WWIFATM) finished 4-5, a bit of a disappointing result for Jacob "5-time" Billcheck - "Man... I had 3rd there.... stupid 4... stupid 12... eh."  Partner Adam "The Shuffler" Capps was a bit more outspoken; "You know, for everything that happened to me out there today, man.... this isnt so bad.  I hate that my teammate spun out there at the end, but our Dodge Minivans were pretty stout out there, and I look forward to next week's trip to Indianapolis. I *was* happy to hold of J-Bomb there at the end though, he was coming on like a madman."  Jacob nodded wordlessly, and the two headed back to their motorcoach, probably already planning their next moves...

Which takes us to the self-fulfilling prophecy of the race - Team Crash-n-Burn.  First out of the infield care center, we talked to Bob "The Burn" Eickholt; "Blew up... man, that was ugly. Thought we had a good motor in it, had a good plan for the race... my SuperMod 69 Camaro was bitchin fast out there, but I guess not as durable as she needed to be.  We'll get them next week."  Shortly before press time, we squeezed in a few words with Chuck "The Crash" Endreszl as he left the track via ambulance - "Stupid....30.... damn..... floor.... so cold.... need better ....car .....next time." Chuck then proceeded to pass out, and was taken away.  Speedy recovery, Chuck!

And so here are the point standings after Race 1:

Schumm - 15

Hampton - 12

Brudnak  - 10

Capps     -  8

Billcheck -  6

Boes       -  4

Endreszl  -  2

Eickholt   -  1 

Team Standings:

Team Monkeywrench  - 22

Team Odd Job           - 19

Team (WWIFATM)     - 14

Team Crash-n-Burn    - 3

KEEP IN MIND - Each player gets to drop their two worst finishes in the final season point standings!  One bad race doesn't mean you're out of it...

NEXT WEEK - We are off on Friday (travel day for the race teams) with Race #2 starting on Monday the 16th at Indianapolis Motor Speedway!  

ALSO NOTE - Next week we will also be adding the rules for TIRES to the mix; your choices will be HARD or SOFT tires.

Hard Tires -  These tires are good for anything other than Rain.Here’s how they handle the various weather types:

Sunshine – The movement of the car and penalties incurred when overshooting corners are normal. (THIS IS WHAT WE HAVE BEEN USING)

            Rain – The car skids 3 extra spaces on each stop inside the corners.  The penalties for overshooting are normal.

Soft Tires – These are generally better than hard tires when its sunny or changeable, but even worse in the rain. 

            Sunshine – A car fitted with Soft tires gains a optional one space bonus on all its moves, whatever gear its in.  However, the penalty for overshooting a corner is multiplied by 2. (OVERSHOOT BY 1 SPACE = BURN 2 TIRE POINTS) Use of this one space bonus is not compulsory.  In a race, soft tires are not effective for more than 1 lap.  If a car does not make a pit stop at the end of the lap to replace tires, then it will not benefit from the 1 space bonus move on its next lap.  If a driver is very lucky, or very stubborn, and elects not to stop on the 3^rd lap as well – the tires actually become a handicap!  All moves in the straights are reduced by 1 space, and all tire penalties for overshooting are multiplied by 3!

            Rain – There is no movement bonus, and the car skids 3 extra spaces each time it moves in a corner space.  The penalties for not changing tires on laps 2 and 3 are the same as above.

ONE MORE TIRE NOTE - You can elect to change tire TYPES on a pit stop, but this will NOT change the number of tire POINTS your car has.  

FINAL NOTE - Going forward I anticipate we will add the remaining "Advanced" rules as follows:  Weather in Race #3, Suspension and Road Hazards in Race #4.

And thats a wrap for week 1... hope you all had fun with it!

-M

The Peanut Butter Cup

I have a confession. I have been cheating on the best wife in the universe. It started small, a few games of Dominion, beta testing the Alien Frontiers expansion, but now I have a full blown gaming group playing every day at work during lunch. I will save the story of the nearly Infinite City for later, but the least I can do is recap our latest craze: a Formula De 6 race championship.

The rules are below, crafted by the our own 2 time national champion Matt "Hamburgler" Hampton.

Race Of Friendly Lapterians (ROFL) League
These are the specific rules governing the ROFL league.  All standard published rules for actual racing will be observed in the course of play; these merely govern how the League works.
A Season is comprised of 6 races.  At the end of 6 races, the driver with the most ROFL points will be awarded the Drivers Championship.  The Team with the most points will win the Team Championship.
Drivers Championship:  A driver’s point total is determined by combining the points of their 4 (four) best finishing results.  A race that a driver did not participate in is scored as 0 points.  Points are awarded at the end of each race based on finishing order, as follows:
1st place finish: 15 points
2nd place:  12 points
3rd place: 10 points
4th place:  8 points
5th place:  6 points
6th place:  4 points
7th place:  2 points
8th place:  1 points
Should two drivers end the season tied in points, the first tie-breaker is number of wins.  Second tie-breaker is finish order in the final race of the season. Winner will receive a to be determined later trophy.

Team Championship:  At the start of each season teams will be randomly assigned.  Two racers comprise a team.  For purposes of the Team standings, each driver’s point total is added together, accounting for drop-weeks as normal.  First tie-breaker in the Team standings is number of wins, then finishing order in the final race of the season. The members of the team will receive the the one pound peanut butter package above, provide your own insulin.

Race Procedures – Week by Week
The first race of the season, starting order is determined by random D20 dice roll; a roll of 1 awards pole position, 20 starts last.  Break ties with a roll-off.  Successive weeks, the starting order will be the inverse order of the previous race’s finish order.  
Since most races will likely not complete during one lunch period, the following rules will apply.
At the end of a lunch period, if a race has not completed:  positions of all cars will be clearly marked on the track, and all current wear points will be noted and collected and stored with the game board. Everyone will document the player to their left.
If a driver is not present for the first day of a race:  A driver joining on the 2nd day of a track will start at the corner spot of their choice, 1 stop behind the last place car that is still running, in a gear appropriate for the location on the track.   If there is more than one driver joining a race in this fashion, they will roll off with D20s to determine who places their car first.  If there is disagreement about gear selection, the current leader will make the final call. The cars joining this way will start missing 1 tire point, and 1 wear point of their choice.
If a driver is not present on the second day of a race:  Their car will go into “safe mode” for the remainder of the race – the current leader will make all dice rolls for that car, and will make them in a prudent and safe manner.  This means a gear/movement cannot be made which could result in either: Overshoot by more than 3 spaces  OR a result that would potentially eliminate a car by use of resources (use up too many brakes, risk last engine point in 5th/6th gear).  If this means rolling in a lower gear to avoid any chance of disaster, that must be the option taken by the person “driving” that car.  Be nice.
The idea with both of these rules is to reduce the penalty on racers who cannot be there every day, while continuing to provide a chance for them to remain competitive in the overall Championship standings.

Thanks for bearing with us the first race results will be published shortly.

The "Up With Meeples" Awards: 2011

I'll just tell you guys that this has been one rough year. Most of my family and friends can suck it, and I'm ready to get shitfaced, pass out face-first in a bowl of M&Ms, and put a bow on this turd of a year. For me, perhaps the worst indication of how turdish this year really was, is that my board gaming suffered. Sometimes, I went weeks--weeks, people!--without even looking at a board game. I can't remember the last time I sold or traded a board game, and our closet is full of shrink-wrapped dust collectors. Le sigh.

So I am proposing right now that we all give 2011 the finger in one final hell of a sendoff tonight, and then get ready for the pure joy that will be 2012--up with board games! Down with poor losers, tantrums, family in general, and anything that doesn't make me shake my ass in victory celebration. Up with meeples! (Hey, wait...that's an awesome blog name. All rights reserved! All rights reserved!) Down with Cranium and anything with a Hasbro stamp!

To help with the big 2011 sendoff, let's chuck some awards at some games that made my excremental year slightly less awful. Hey if the entertainment industry can throw itself awards banquets and galas all year 'round, why can't I? This is the first year for my awards, so maybe if I can stay focused I'll bring it back next year...and hopefully in a slightly more cheerful mood. Maybe Billy Crystal will host. Either way, let's hope Courtney Love shows up and falls off some scaffolding.

Before we begin, let me just adjust my tiara and gown. Cocktail? Check. Mocked up picture of what I look like while typing up these awards?

Check.

Now, without further ado, here are the 2011 (Let's Never Have Another Year Like This) Up With Meeples Awards!


Katie's Top Board Game of the Year
Presented for excellence in gameplay, fun, challenge, and great memories in the past year

Twilight Struggle

For its role in husband-wife rivalry, and promoting both communism jokes, and shoe-banging gags

 Most Surprisingly Great Board Game of the Year
Presented for surprising excellence in gameplay and challenge from a game or situation that was totally unexpected

Glory to Rome

For its role as the ugliest packaging concept ever, hiding a brilliant little card game

Katie's Even-Though-I-Hate-Kids-Games-This-One's-Actually-Fun-For-Adults-Too Award

Presented for excellence in adult captivation while entertaining kids at the same time

Hey! That's My Fish!
For its role as Lily's after-dinner game that doesn't make me throw up my Hamburger Helper

 

Worst Reminder of How Bad Board Game Expansions Can Be

Presented for convincing gamers that it's worth just one more try

Seafarers of Catan

For its role as just a shitty expansion in a sea of shitty expansions. Not worthy of picture.

Best Dice Game of the Year

Presented for excellence in making games full of chance enjoyable

To Court the King

For its role as an understated, beautiful game with a fun dice mechanic 

Best Actor in Any Show or Movie Anywhere

Presented for excellence in acting and portrayal of one of the greatest literary characters of all time

Peter Dinklage

For his role as Tyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones 

Best Play-Testing Experience of the Year

Presented for excellence in play testing. Duh.

Alien Frontiers

For its role among a handful of games I play-tested this year, as the most enjoyable and unbroken among its rivals  

Best Expansion of the Year

Presented for excellence in expansions that Katie tried this year. I don't care if they're not new. These awards are all about me, get it?

Ticket to Ride: Nordic Countries

For its role as a stand-alone expansion of sorts (debate has ensued about the status of expansion vs. sequel) and for its outrageously crowded map.   

Best Party Game of the Year

Presented for excellence in rowdy shenanigans

Telestrations

For its role inciting penis drawings and one of the scariest "porno" drawings I've ever seen or imagined. 

Best Game You've Never Heard Of

Presented for excellence in gameplay goodness without the backing of a publisher

Quintessential: The Fifth Element

For its role as a frustratingly wonderful dice game with a high-production-value prototype. Dice box anyone?

And that concludes our ceremonies for this year! Mainly because I need to go change out of this designer gown, put on some of my gross clothing, and slog myself to a New Years party where I intend to carry out my threats as described at the beginning of this article. Thank you for attending this year's Up With Meeples Awards.

Here's wishing you all a happy 2012!